'Spellling Mayd Eejy''

Take It Easy!


‘Spellling Mayd Eejy’

- Courtesy CBSE


In a historic move to make exams headache - free for students and easier for answer paper evaluators, the CBSE is planning to ignore wrong and incorrect spelling by students henceforth. Gradually, one can expect grammar will be added to this list. In course of time, we can imagine following scenario in the entire academic spectrum.

§ Leter form Stoodent to his Klass Teascher:

Dear Saar ,

Lunch peeriod lost weak, a peeg bite me and take mine Alpenleebe from my mouth. Blood oose my baayi .I dvelop hed eak in my stomak, I not attend skool. My ckkippaji also asked me to do chutti as he tooke mee to Mysore Ecsibsion. We see mpty stalls and eat Bhajjis and drink sugarcane rasa.

Esterday Arthmetik teacher ask me 15 tables. 15 into 10. I tell, I will ask C.M. for answre, teachser beat me.

If my doddappaji not take me chinnari mela nex tweak, I vill attend to your next klasses.

Yours obdent klassboy

Anuma –VI A



§§ Leter from the Hedmaster to Skool InspeKtor.


To

The Bord Inspktor,
CBSE

Dear Saars ,

Most obedeent Respectsu.

Evrything not kushala here. Only Sankata. No Dasoha here as no riceu. We give only Dosa and no chutney.

All Mysore skools children danjer of geting pigs and moskitos fever - Encflltis because of VI A Hanuma. My Teechers are skared of getting enciflits and ‘chickengunna’ from haiklu and thret to strike. Thanks to Mysore Korportion, Mysore peegs eat more and more in roads, parks and skools! Teechers are terrriffied of muskitos ,peegs and Hanuma and want him suspensionu from skoolu.

Hanuma gives same answer for all 15 Tabels as 150! Matter urjentu. Beyand control me. If you not come, me go on leeve. Pleese advice.

Yours turly ,

Skool Headmastru


§§§ Letter from Skool Inspector to MCC

To,

The Kommissionre ,
Mysore Korperasion

Dear Kommissionre Avare,

Your pigs byte our skool Hanuma and fear spread to all my Hed Masters and teachres catching Encephalittis and chicken Guniya. Shamefull matteru! In U.P. , lost year , lots of skool children die due to moskitos and pigs and madum Sonya Gandhi and future P.M., Rahul Gandhi very very angry. I will complayen to them.

Our Hanuma turning mad after pigbyte. Gives poltical answer for 15 Tabels. 15 into 10 answre says ‘ baayella ' Bella Ree !’. All pigs roam our skools because no strings attached. Tie them in korporation to your chairs so no pigs come to skool and byte other Hanumas. If no place in Korporasion, build another MCC and keep your peegs there! Enuff of peeg menase and nonsense to stoodents, teaschers and jeneral publics!

Yours sinserely,

Fed up Broad Inspektor and still feeding

…………………

E.R. Ramchandran 27 July 2006

Pigs' Day Out!

Take it Easy!

(Conversation between two pigs before the start of their day in Mysore)


“Hi! How have you been? Long time no see. Are you still doing the old route?”

“I am fine, thank you. Our route is still the same - ‘The Shit Route’. We start from Bogadi; Then thro’ University, we come to Jayalakshmipuram, Vontikoppal, Railway hospital, Jaladarshini Guest House, DC’s Residence and Office, The Palace, Siddartha Layout and end near the foot hills of Chamundi. Now we are around 20 in our group. How about you?”

“More or less same. We start from Exhibition Grounds; After doing N.R Mohalla and Lakshmipuram , then thro’ Mayor’s and Commissioner’s office, K.R Circle, Chamaraja Double road, JLB road, Railway station we end at Bannimantap.. We do almost same distance.”

“How’re the facilities in your route?”

“Couldn’t be better. Every second junction, MCC has erected a nice big stone sty, which is quite clean. Around that on the roads, are the…. Eats. The grub is great with all types of garbage; Newspapers, Rotten vegetables, eggs, leftovers… a mix bag of fresh, vintage and heritage stuff. It’s like this all along the route…. By the way, you had some stomach problems, didn’t you? How are you now?”

“Ha! That was quite something! In one of our scavenging rounds, I ate some plastic bags. It was hell. Luckily, I was close to a hospital… Along with the hospital wastes, they had thrown some medicines, which had crossed expiry dates! When I ate that, my stomach ache vanished. Now I can digest Plastics sheet from 1 Micron to 3 mm! No problems. There is another group, which has mastered chewing off videocassettes, floppies and CDs with virus! We are ready for the ‘software rush’ to Mysore.”

“We were scared when they started Nirmala Mysore Programme…”

“You are referring to the defunct Mysore cleanup Programme? Well, we were just 500 ft. away from the dais when they inaugurated the function. We had a good party that day. Our piglets got to taste plastic cups and plates after the function was over!”

“What about the future?”

“I think we must group together and fight for our rights. During Dasara, they bring elephants, horses and camels from outside for the Jamboo Savari. They don’t encourage local talent! We know Mysore roads in and out and can help out ,if they want to change the route! We will appeal to the Districts –in –charge Minister to include us who, I understand, is planning to make it a Grand Dasara this year.”

“Very true. I heard the Tourism Minister is planning to have a Ropeway to Chamundi Hills. There used to be a temple there…. Now that a township and Kalyanamantapa has come up, I am sure lot of leftovers will be available for us. I hope MCC will provide some ‘stalls’ for us at Chamundi Hills too. If we can go in the cable car, it will be a good picnic.”

“ Even if MCC does not provide a car exclusively for us, we shouldn’t grunt too much! We can always share the car and go with the general public as we are presently doing - by sharing the roads with them.”

“ That’s true… Some day, I would like to go to the Hills by the ropeway! It would be like flying.”

“You know… More than a quarter Century back when P.G. Wodehouse named one of his books ‘Pigs have wings’, he must have had us in mind. We have indeed waited long enough.”

…………………

E.R. Ramachandran 15, July 2006

Rajyostava

Take it Easy!

Rajyothsava Night - 2006



The Chief Secretary called the meeting of Secretaries to order.

Keeping in mind the stringent criticism of Dharam Singh Government last year on Rajyostsava awards as catering to only the glitterati, HDK had asked the Chief Secretary to broad base the Rajyothsava Award 2006 to include as many to coincide with the 51st year of formation of Karnataka. The instruction from the Chief Secretary to his colleagues was loud and clear. “Be innovative. Let’s hit ‘51’ everywhere. Go get ‘em”!

The Transport Secretary got up to start.

‘ My Minister told me to include all vehicle owners whose Registration Numbers end with ‘51’ for Rajyothsava 2006 Awards. Here’s the list of Scooter, Moped, Motorcycle, Tempo, Taxi, Maxicab, Auto rickshaw, Tonga, Wheel cart, Car and Lorry owners who fall in the category. The number comes to over 5000 from our side. Of course we will update this list as we go along till the Awards Night.’

‘Good. What have you got for us?’ The CS asked the Education Secretary.

‘ Azim Premji is personally helping us. All students from creche to degree class whose ID No. end with ‘51’ have been rounded up. I have also included students whose bus passes end with ‘51’ into the list. It’s quite possible it should come under the Transport Ministry. If I take it into my list, I’ve 15000 Awardees lined up for the big night.’

‘ Let’s not quibble over such trivia. We need numbers real fast. Understand!’

‘ I have included Ration card holders, Bank and Post Office Account holders, Senior citizens Accounts, Retired Defense personnel etc. All People with Accounts ending with ‘51’ will be there on November 1st to receive the Awards. I am able to mop up another 15000 so far’. That was the Finance Secretary.

‘Fine. We need to get the Common man into this .I will take the help of Sudha Murthy! I will visit hospitals and prisons around the State myself and get another 20,000 who will reach ‘51’ years by November 2006.I will attend C.M.s’ Janata Darshan from now on and try and get another 15000. How much does it all add up to?’ the Chief Secretary asked.

‘Sir, the Awardees will be over 51000+. Where can we find a place for all of them?’

‘ I will talk to Brijesh Patel and get Chinnaswamy Cricket stadium for a night. We can squeeze all the Awardees in the Stands. Since the public who come to watch such functions will be just a handful, we can put them with the dignitaries on the pitch along with the Governor, C.M. and the Cabinet Ministers.’

One of the Secretaries asked, ‘Sir, There will be a question. What is the contribution of the Awardees to Karnataka?’

Just tell ‘They and their families have endured last 51 years of rule’.

‘ Sir, one last question. Where should we sit?’ asked one of the Secretaries.

‘ Don’t be silly! There won’t be enough space. We will have to watch it on T.V. in the pavilion. I will get ‘Chandana’ to cover it live!’

………………..
E.R. Ramachandran 11 July 2006

Rajyostava Awards -2006

Take it easy!


Rajyothsava Night - 2006



The Chief Secretary called the meeting of Secretaries to order.

Keeping in mind the stringent criticism of Dharam Singh Government last year on Rajyostsava awards as catering to only the glitterati, HDK had asked the Chief Secretary to broad base the Rajyothsava Award 2006 to include as many to coincide with the 51st year of formation of Karnataka. The instruction from the Chief Secretary to his colleagues was loud and clear. “Be innovative. Let’s hit ‘51’ everywhere. Go get ‘em”!

The Transport Secretary got up to start.

‘ My Minister told me to include all vehicle owners whose Registration Numbers end with ‘51’ for Rajyothsava 2006 Awards. Here’s the list of Scooter, Moped, Motorcycle, Tempo, Taxi, Maxicab, Auto rickshaw, Tonga, Wheel cart, Car and Lorry owners who fall in the category. The number comes to over 5000 from our side. Of course we will update this list as we go along till the Awards Night.’

‘Good. What have you got for us?’ The CS asked the Education Secretary.

‘ Azim Premji is personally helping us. All students from creche to degree class whose ID No. end with ‘51’ have been rounded up. I have also included students whose bus passes end with ‘51’ into the list. It’s quite possible it should come under the Transport Ministry. If I take it into my list, I’ve 15000 Awardees lined up for the big night.’

‘ Let’s not quibble over such trivia. We need numbers real fast. Understand!’

‘ I have included Ration card holders, Bank and Post Office Account holders, Senior citizens Accounts, Retired Defense personnel etc. All People with Accounts ending with ‘51’ will be there on November 1st to receive the Awards. I am able to mop up another 15000 so far’. That was the Finance Secretary.

‘Fine. We need to get the Common man into this .I will take the help of Sudha Murthy! I will visit hospitals and prisons around the State myself and get another 20,000 who will reach ‘51’ years by November 2006.I will attend C.M.s’ Janata Darshan from now on and try and get another 15000. How much does it all add up to?’ the Chief Secretary asked.

‘Sir, the Awardees will be over 51000+. Where can we find a place for all of them?’

‘ I will talk to Brijesh Patel and get Chinnaswamy Cricket stadium for a night. We can squeeze all the Awardees in the Stands. Since the public who come to watch such functions will be just a handful, we can put them with the dignitaries on the pitch along with the Governor, C.M. and the Cabinet Ministers.’

One of the Secretaries asked, ‘Sir, There will be a question. What is the contribution of the Awardees to Karnataka?’

Just tell ‘They and their families have endured last 51 years of rule’.

‘ Sir, one last question. Where should we sit?’ asked one of the Secretaries.

‘ Don’t be silly! There won’t be enough space. We will have to watch it on T.V. in the pavilion. I will get ‘Chandana’ to cover it live!’

………………..
E.R. Ramachandran 11 July 2006