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BLOG - ER Ramachandran

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Who will be the crew of Mangalaayan-2?


Now that Mangalyaan is heading towards Mars, ISRO has started working on a Manned Mission to Mars, Mangalyan 2 (4 M- 2).
ISRO Chief, DR. Radhakrishnan announced this after his return from Thanksgiving at Tirupathi in a Press conference. For this, Dr. Radhkrishnan himself is heading a committee comprising members who are apolitical and have no ‘Agenda’ whatsoever.

Dr. Radhakrishnan stressed they will make their deliberations public so that Dr. Madhavan Nair, Ex-chief of ISRO will not later blame him regarding selection of crew.
On his part Nair already announced he would oppose ISRO Chairman whatever may be his decision.
When the committee met the Press it was ready to disclose the process of selection. Dr. Radhakrishnan went through the names and gave explanation why some candidates though eligible, had to be rejected.
 For instance, Sonia Gandhi met all criteria but could not be selected as her Nationality issue could crop up again after landing in Mars.  Hence they didn’t select her.
Dr. Manmohan Singh was the most suitable candidates of all. However, if he refused to talk to the Martian stones, craters and Volcanoes we had no idea how they would react. We didn’t want to take the risk.
Rahul Gandhi looked the best of the lot but if he asked for a paper to tear it up in Mars where they could get one, wondered Radhakrishnan. Hence his name had to be dropped.
Narendra Modi, the fiery orator and India’s  second most eligible bachelor-cum- Prime Minister’s habit of addressing everywhere and every two minutes, ‘Bhaiyo aur Behno’ became his undoing. Where would they search for them in Mars?
Advaniji with his long experience was an ideal candidate. But his tendency to flip-flop at the last minute went against him. What if he insisted the mission to be changed to Jupiter at Zero hour asked the committee and dropped him.
Sushma Swaraj would have been the best female representative from India, but if she started a Swaraj movement, with some miners, more importantly, without Gopala Krishna Gokhale it would be a major problem.
With his clear and levelheaded thinking, Montec Singh Ahluwalia was a perfect choice; since there was no currency in Mars he would have to decide between 28 and 32 stones to draw the poverty line of Mars. This would create a similar confusion in Mars too. Hence they dropped him.
Finance Minsister Chidambaram was ideal because of his Dream Budgets. What if it turned out be Nightmares in Mars too wondered the committee and dropped him.
Subramnaian Swamy with his boundless Energy was the right candidate. But are there Courts in Mars for his daily quota of Court petitions in a single Martian day?
Sachin would have been the best candidate as some of his sixers that he hit are already advertised there. But the Ad World here will be broke without him and so we dropped him.
Amitabh Bachhan has done everything anybody can do ever anywhere. Somebody asked for the same reason what will he do in Mars? So we had to drop him.
Even Tarun Tejpal was considered for his dodging skills. But should buildings come up with Elevators later on there could be serious problems. So we dropped him.
Navjyot Sidhu is an extremely energetic human being. But we had a doubt whether he should go as Cricket Commentator or Automatic Laughter machine. Dual position of power, somebody said. So, out went Sidhu.
The Khans of Filmdom were considered but what if they started fighting there and the heat of their fight might act as spark for volcanoes there? Not worth taking a risk.
Even Barrack Obama’s name was considered but was rejected as  he might ask lot of questions to nobody in particular  after landing in Mars and answer them himself by saying, ‘Yes, we can’.

Who should go in 4M-2…..?
The committee will meet again to decide….


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