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BLOG - ER Ramachandran

Saturday, April 21, 2007

'Who should go in Chandra.yawn, trip to Moon?'

ISRO Director Shri. Madhavan Nair is all set to launch Chandra..yawn, the trip to Moon, in 2008.But unlike NASA, he thought India should send a civilian or two along with the scientists. He wanted to show the world, as the largest democracy, India did things differently from Yankees. He called for nominations for the ‘Aam Admi’ slot.

The IIT /IIM students met Nair and wanted to send Union HRD Minister Arjun Singh to the Moon, so he could practice ABC of OBC calculations without interference. Alone, they felt, Singh could go on till he got his figures right, whether it is 27% or 73 or whatever. They had brought a small gift for him - an old geometry box with only a Divider in it, using which Mr. Singh could go on to dividing the Moon without getting rapped on the knuckles by any Court. Of course, we would see some scratches from here, but we should cheerfully accept the fact he is busy doing something there.

The inconsolable Cricket fans wanted to send the entire team to Moon so that they could play among themselves there and create meaningless records for CEAT Ratings and the seniors in the team could rag the juniors to their hearts content without a coach butting in.

Pakistan had a special request. Could India accommodate their Cricket Team as well as the Selectors as they were planning to overhaul the entire setup?

BJP wanted to send their New Travel Agent so he could organize trips all over moon and smuggle whatever he could get under the craters.. Buddha Deb Bhattacharya wanted to send Mamta Didi and gift her part of the moon – Chandigram - so that she could practice her daily hartal and hunger strike.

The Indian Olympic Association Chief Suresh Kalmadi was bent on sending his Sports Minister Mani Shankara Iyer so that he could organize and attend more and more Panchayat Raj meetings all by himself. The Minister in turn threatened to pack off the whole IOA to Moon so that no more money would be spent in organizing extravagant Sports Meet in which India, either figured in the list of athletes caught on doping tests or generally finished last among the Nations.

The ‘Moral Police’ brigade wanted to book a seat for Shilpa Shetty to Moon so that she could practice any number of kisses the way she wanted.. Shilpa on the other hand wanted to dispatch the whole brigade so that they could make effigies all the time which they won’t be able to burn!

Closer home, the congress party in Karnataka wanted to send Chief Minister Kumara Swamy on a secret mission to moon so that people don’t have to worry where he is going to halt for the night. Others thought the former Prime Minister Deve Gowda would be more suitable as he could plan all his moves and countermoves peacefully .Since he generally kept all and sundry confused with his motives they wanted to see, in a lighter atmosphere, whether moon would have any effect on him or his theories.

Bollywood wanted to send Amitabh Bachhan and Shah Rukh Kahn so that they could sort out their differences there and decide, between the two who should win this year’s Filmfare award. Some feared Shah Rukh may send Ash-Abhisek packing to moon as his marriage gift and remove competition in one stroke!

If you want to send anybody to Moon please name the person and say and why, so that Mr. Nair could be informed.



E.R. Ramachandran 22 April 2007

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

'Punishment for Mr. Narayanamurthy'!

The NRN episode on National Anthem rightly created a flutter all over with Mr. Murthy finally, tendering an apology.

The echo is still being heard in the corridors of Power in Bangalore, because the punishment has not been decided yet. Since these things are decided in Vidhana Soudha, I went and met the All-Party Spokesperson who was very calm and courteous despite all the hungama going around her. She looked all harried and haggard.

‘What are you going to do with Mr. Murthy now that he has apologized?’

‘He has apologized, but there is so much to be done, sir. One of our leaders wants him to be deported where nobody wants him. I have been phoning all over the last three days. Everywhere they seem to want him. At this rate, it’s going to be difficult to pack him off to nowhere’.

‘You didn’t find any place?’

‘To teach Mr. Murthy a lesson which he will not forget easily, another leader wanted that Mr. Murthy be sent to a place where there is no water …. I was thinking of a Planet near Earth - HD 209458b. Even ISRO was ready to help us out. But the U.S. Scientists have spoiled it all. They have just found there is water in that planet! If you ask me, as a punishment, there is no place better than Bangalore, as you get water only once in 3 days here. I get up at 4 in the morning to store 2 buckets of water before I come for work. Probably we will let him stay here. This will be the best punishment’!

‘Any more suggestions from our MLAs?’

‘One of them wanted a CBI enquiry. I tried to call the Agency .Somebody bluntly told me they have many cases already lined up like the Bellary scam, NICE scam, assets disproportionate to income etc for which they are still awaiting clearance. Obviously they just can’t take up this thing’.

‘I sympathize with you. But can’t you line up any punishment at all’?

‘I have to, sir. Otherwise I will lose my job! You seem to understand my problem better. I thought maybe we should put some more pot holes in the IT Corridor before Monsoon sets in. This will teach all of them a lesson. The BMC is already doing their bit.. But this is punishment, no sir? We should ask them to dig it up deeper.. perhaps, a trench every few yards.

We could also make the approach road to their campus one way and ask them to go round and round till they go nowhere. We are good in making such roads in Bangalore…I have to think something quick…If you get any ideas will you please call and let me know …? Thank you, sir.’
Tailpiece: At last, at the instance of an ex- MLA, the Vijaynagar water tank with huge gaps in its roof is being cleaned after 7 years! What about MCC itself? If it is given a good shakeup, hopefully lot of muck will come out!

E.R. Ramachandran