A Chat on Foreign Policy

I met the Spokesman for Ministry Of External Affairs at the entrance of Press Club. Here was a chance to know how our Foreign Policy works in the Government, I thought, and quickly reminded him that he had once offered to spend an evening with me. He graciously agreed.

I ordered his favourite Scotch with ice and a beer for me.

The Spokesman was even more gracious and offered me Havana Cigar.

As I inhaled, the cigar, the smoke brought all the questions racing to my head.

‘That was a great NAM Meeting you just had’, I started, sipping my beer.

‘Couldn’t have been better. Although we missed the Old Man - Castro - everything went very well especially P.M.’s meeting with General Musharaff’, said the spokesman taking big swigs of the whiskey.

‘ According to Police, both the perpetrators of Mumbai blasts and the World Trade Center blasts seem to have been trained at the same Training Centre. 7/11 and 9/11. Of course, you know 7/11; 11th July, the day the local trains were blasted in Mumbai.’

‘Very true. We have handed over photographs and details of the Training Camps in POK to the U.S. Government’.

The Spokesman called out the waiter and ordered for Vodka with ice. I was surprised with his change of menu, but I ordered some more beer for me.

The Cigar smoke hung around us and the air was getting hazy.

‘ The P.M. issued a joint statement with Gen. Musharaff that Pakistan is also a victim of terrorism. By the way, how will you jointly operate the mechanism of monitoring terrorism when your partner himself is known to indulge in the act?’ I asked.

The spokesman took a large gulp of vodka and said, ‘Look here! we are not absolving Pakistan’s support to militants across the border. In fact I have got that in my notes and show it to their Spokesman whenever we meet! The joint mechanism allows us to exchange notes as and when acts of terrorism are committed either in Kashmir, Mumbai or wherever in India. All the communication channels will be open and we will conduct joint investigations on motives, kind of bombs used and to ascertain whether it was done for freedom struggle etc’.

Next, the Spokesman ordered Red wine as I stuck with beer.

‘President Bush has asserted U.S.’ right to flush out Osama Bin Laden by sending his troops, if there is information Laden is holed up in Pakistan. Do you support that?’

‘Of course! Well, I mean, U.S has got every right to get Laden by whatever means it feels appropriate.’

‘Do you think that it will be against the sovereignty of Pakistan?’

Looking bewildered, the spokesman gulped a mouthful of wine and began defending his new ally. ‘You know, Pakistan has every right to defend itself if any outside force enters its country. What I mean to say is… I really don’t know!’

By now, our Foreign Policy appeared hazier to me than the smoke from the cigars. I could neither see him clearly nor see any logic in his answers.

‘One Last question before we go. Will your joint Partner, hand over Dawood Ibrahim to you since it is proved he is the mastermind and is also convicted in 1993 Bombay blasts?’

‘ You know, although we are partners in fight against terror, our joint mechanism is only for transfer of information, knowledge etc etc… but not people’ mumbled the spokesman.

May be because of the swirling cigar smoke, drinks, or our confusing foreign Policy, difficult to say which, I barely managed to stumble out holding an equally unsteady spokesman out to the open.

…………………..
E.R.Ramachandran 28,September ,2006

Towards a Graceful and Dignified Dasara

• 
  
  
  Now that it’s almost zero hour for Dasara cultural festivals, it’s worth remembering some points, which will go a long way in making it a success. The Govt., the various Committees, Sub-Committees etc have put in tremendous efforts despite, a late start. Artistes from All over the State and the country have been invited to perform at over half a dozen places at a time. The festival is a culmination of religious, spiritual and cultural confluence depicting the ethos of Karnataka and hence rightly called the Naada Habba. It is also a showcase for outsiders, especially foreigners, as Mysore rightly holds the mantle of tourism in the State. Hence it is important that there is dignity in entertainment and grace in the conduct of the various shows.
  
  Following are some of the points which authorities should consider and try to implement to achieve the desired result.
  
  1. In the main Palace premise, which showcases the cultural programmes, almost always there is utter confusion, unmitigated chaos during the entire show. The show invariably starts with a very large number of people crowding the dais, each vying with the other to praise the Government in power, a sub –committee member praising rest of his committee members for the favour and finally Goddess Chamundi, in that order! This not only tests the patience of public and the artiste, but is also an unabashed exhibition of mixture of backslapping camaraderie and slavery in public.
  
  v They should adopt a crisp introduction cutting out all frills and, start and finish the programme by the clock. A crash course with Media Event Managers like Wizcraft would be ideal as to how to manage time and how to cut unwanted bureaucracy to size.
  
  2. Once the programme starts, invariably, the latecomers who occupy the front seats make their august presence, expecting the performers to salute them and enter with an assumed and exaggerated sense of self importance and expecting, if possible, the artiste to repeat the song or dance whatever they had missed!
  
  v These habitual latecomers should not be allowed to the front seats but shown their place politely and firmly somewhere near the back. Only by doing this, we can respect art and the artistes.
  
  3. One of the major Indian mindset is, no function, play, music, dance or anything for that matter, can take place without a slice of eating thrown in between! Hence we will find vendors hailing their wares such as ‘ Sippe Kadale kai!’, ‘ Kharada Puri!’, ‘Menasina Kai Bhajji!’, ‘Pakoda!’ moving around freely right up to the dais! During a Mohana Aalapana by Balamural Krishna, you can find a serious bargaining for the eatables converting the place to a Sunday santhe ! Sometimes our front bencher- dignitary hails the vendor for a session in bargaining and supply!
  
  
  v By all means, there should be fun and eating is one of the components. Hence authorities should make place for these in the rear in the lawns where a large number listen and watch the show on the CCTV. Here , they can make arrangements for eating to one’s heart content.
  
  4. Lastly, do not allow politicians to turn the stage in to a mockery of a show. Couple of years back, one saw a childish MLA rendering ‘Naayi mari Naayi mari thindi Beke’ which was a request from the then Chief Minister! Apart from reducing the show to buffoonery, the C.M. and his troupe made the main artistes Padma Subramayam and her niece to wait for quite sometime. One must also compliment the dancers who did not want to disappoint the assembled crowd who had braved the rain and danced on an improptu uneven surface earning the gratitude of the public.
  
  
  v No buffoonery please, even if it makes you a faithful dog as in HMV!
  
  ………………….
  
  E.R.Ramachandran 22 ,September‘06 .
  
  
  .

Towards a Graceful and Dignified Dasara

• 
  
  
  Now that it’s almost zero hour for Dasara cultural festivals, it’s worth remembering some points, which will go a long way in making it a success. The Govt., the various Committees, Sub-Committees etc have put in tremendous efforts despite, a late start. Artistes from All over the State and the country have been invited to perform at over half a dozen places at a time. The festival is a culmination of religious, spiritual and cultural confluence depicting the ethos of Karnataka and hence rightly called the Naada Habba. It is also a showcase for outsiders, especially foreigners, as Mysore rightly holds the mantle of tourism in the State. Hence it is important that there is dignity in entertainment and grace in the conduct of the various shows.
  
  Following are some of the points which authorities should consider and try to implement to achieve the desired result.
  
  1. In the main Palace premise, which showcases the cultural programmes, almost always there is utter confusion, unmitigated chaos during the entire show. The show invariably starts with a very large number of people crowding the dais, each vying with the other to praise the Government in power, a sub –committee member praising rest of his committee members for the favour and finally Goddess Chamundi, in that order! This not only tests the patience of public and the artiste, but is also an unabashed exhibition of mixture of backslapping camaraderie and slavery in public.
  
  v They should adopt a crisp introduction cutting out all frills and, start and finish the programme by the clock. A crash course with Media Event Managers like Wizcraft would be ideal as to how to manage time and how to cut unwanted bureaucracy to size.
  
  2. Once the programme starts, invariably, the latecomers who occupy the front seats make their august presence, expecting the performers to salute them and enter with an assumed and exaggerated sense of self importance and expecting, if possible, the artiste to repeat the song or dance whatever they had missed!
  
  v These habitual latecomers should not be allowed to the front seats but shown their place politely and firmly somewhere near the back. Only by doing this, we can respect art and the artistes.
  
  3. One of the major Indian mindset is, no function, play, music, dance or anything for that matter, can take place without a slice of eating thrown in between! Hence we will find vendors hailing their wares such as ‘ Sippe Kadale kai!’, ‘ Kharada Puri!’, ‘Menasina Kai Bhajji!’, ‘Pakoda!’ moving around freely right up to the dais! During a Mohana Aalapana by Balamural Krishna, you can find a serious bargaining for the eatables converting the place to a Sunday santhe ! Sometimes our front bencher- dignitary hails the vendor for a session in bargaining and supply!
  
  
  v By all means, there should be fun and eating is one of the components. Hence authorities should make place for these in the rear in the lawns where a large number listen and watch the show on the CCTV. Here , they can make arrangements for eating to one’s heart content.
  
  4. Lastly, do not allow politicians to turn the stage in to a mockery of a show. Couple of years back, one saw a childish MLA rendering ‘Naayi mari Naayi mari thindi Beke’ which was a request from the then Chief Minister! Apart from reducing the show to buffoonery, the C.M. and his troupe made the main artistes Padma Subramayam and her niece to wait for quite sometime. One must also compliment the dancers who did not want to disappoint the assembled crowd who had braved the rain and danced on an improptu uneven surface earning the gratitude of the public.
  
  
  v No buffoonery please, even if it makes you a faithful dog as in HMV!
  
  ………………….
  
  E.R.Ramachandran 22 ,September‘06 .
  
  
  .

Death- What a wonderful way to explain it!

(I would like to share it with Mymysore readers / bloggers , a piece I received as Forward from a friend of mine.)
E.R. Ramachandran
15 ,Sept. '06



~DEATH~ WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT !!!!!

A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side.

" Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."

"You don't know? You, a religious man, do not know what is on the other side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing... I know my Master is there and that is enough."

..............................

Choosing a Date for the Helmet!

The Cabinet sub-committee under the C.M. met in his office to choose a date for introducing Helmets in the State for two-wheeler and pillion riders. The C.M., with a calendar in front of him, was deep in thought and shook his head while muttering to himself ‘July, August, September’.

The C.M. started the proceedings. After going thro’ the dates the C.M. said,

‘ October 1st seems to be all right. I will announce that helmets are compulsory from 1st October, 2006.’

‘Sir, October 2nd is Gandhi Jayanthi and is a public holiday. It is not good to start a new rule when the following day is a holiday. Further, out of respect for Bapuji, we should not start this on 1st October’. That was from the Home Minister who is the senior most member of the cabinet and, considered, a Gandhian, of sorts.

‘ How about 1st November? Yes. We will start the new rule from 1st November’.

‘ We can’t do that. November 1st is Karnataka Rajyotsava Day. Moreover, it is Suvarna Karnataka Year . We should not come in the way of people celebrating the historic event with a rule, which is cumbersome and curtails their freedom. In fact, we should be lenient in November even if they break any traffic rules. I will advise the police commissioner and the RTO accordingly’, that was the PWD Minister, and elder brother of C.M.

The younger sibling buried his head in the calendar again to fish for fresh dates!

‘That’s it. I have got it. The Helmet become compulsory from 1st December 2006’.

‘Sir, Let’s not be in a hurry. December 1st is Ekadasi. Not an auspicious day to start a new rule when a majority of people go on a fast and start their day hungry! Further, 1st December is World Aids day! Considering all that we should not start on December 1st’. That was Minister for Secondary and Higher Education.

‘That doesn’t give us much option. All right. Let us start from New Year Day. January, 1st, 2007’

The Police Commissioner, who was a special invitee, intervened.

‘Sir, December 31st is the New Year eve. As it is, we put number of restrictions with regard to consumption of liquor and driving after drinking. New year bashers will use their helmets to bash us .It will become a weapon in their hands. Remember the day of Rajkumar’s funeral, sir? We should not start on 1st January, sir’.

The C.M. Scratched his head and once again started pulling his hair – whatever that was left of it and thought - ‘ I never faced such a difficult situation even when we mounted a vote of confidence last year or during Bellary CD show’.

All right! let’s decide it will be from 1st of February 2007 and go home’.

‘ February and March are ‘Tax Months’ in the State, sir. Most of them will have to invest in NSC, PPF, LIC, etc. Their salary would have gone into tax saving schemes and most of them would be lucky to take home any salary. We shouldn’t burden them further’ that was the Finance Minister.

The C.M. covered his head with the calendar. Suddenly, he tore part of the last sheet off the calendar, scratched and pierced a hole at a particular place and shouted,

‘ No more discussions. My decision is final. The New Helmet Rule will come from 1st, April 2007. The meeting is over.’

That’s it. It will now become effective from All Fools Day!!

…………………..
E.R. Ramachandran 07 September 2006







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