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BLOG - ER Ramachandran

Saturday, October 28, 2006

BCCI Bowls Wides All Over!

A Satire

The President of the BCCI, called the media, assembled in the Conference Room of ‘BCCI-Pavilion’ the new 9- Star Hotel in Mumbai, to order. Apart Cricketer- turned-expert telecaster-cum- columnists, some sprinkling of foreign and local media was present.

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the BCCI Road Show. Before we kick start the show, a word about our name. We are not, The Board of Control for Cricket in India any more. From now on, we are, the Board of Cricket for Commerce International. You might have noticed: We are still the same old BCCI! Only our emphasis from now on will be slightly different, which I will explain. If you have any questions, just stop me whenever you feel.

We will have our Hq. in the four corners of the world namely Paris, Seattle, Hollywood & Tokyo. This will give us a geographical reach and leverage unheard of in modern day business.’

‘Mr. Pawar, among the cities you mentioned - none of them know which end of the bat to hold to play cricket!’ That was Geoff Boycott, the once- dour opening batsman – now- a-brilliant one-day expert telecaster.

‘It’s true, Geoff! But they all have a role to play in our scheme of things. BCCI is considering a variety of business options in the near future…. . You’ve seen how passengers get stuck in Delhi with fog, smog and all that. Soon, We will fly players on our own planes around the globe and land on our own Airports. .. Airbus and Boeing are eager to be our consultants… Hence, we will have offices in Paris and Seattle. Also, our boys are tired of shooting Ads all thro’ the year. This can be very distracting, as, Dravid found out recently, when an young lady patted on his behind asking him and his boys to run faster…After that, Dravid couldn’t concentrate during the toss, and called out ‘Tails’ instead of ‘Heads’! That cost us the DLF Cup in Malaysia. So, we ‘ve tied with Steven Spielberg to shoot the ads at a stretch. That’s where Hollywood comes in. We are also planning a serial ‘Lage Raho BCCI’ from this year.’

‘Why, Tokyo? They can’t even spell cricket..’ That was Tony Greig, the former England Captain, an eternal emigrant seeking greener pastures.

‘I know, Tony! All the Electronics that our boys advertise comes from there. We will be guests of Sony and Panasonic. Sachin and Dhoni will be running a ‘ PONY I -pod cricket clinic’ for beginners there’.

‘What are your other plans?’ asked the Father of Indian Television Prannoy Roy.

‘Prannoy, After Kerry’s (Packer) untimely death, we see a big lacuna in Global TV Sports. BCCI will do its bit to fill the gap. We are linking with Laxmi Mittal, Sony and Anil Ambani for world Rights for all Sports. We haven’t decided on the logo yet and I am sure we can squeeze in some space between the neck and collarbone of our boys for the logo’.

‘ Are you going to be in Hotels too?’ asked Ms. Bedi, dressed in an imaginative ensemble challenging viewers’ imagination further.

‘Mandira, There’s some lady – Paris Hilton -who has come down to met us. We will be launching BCCI- Hiltons in every cricket playing city in the world.’

‘ Mr. Pawar! Aren’t you going to do any thing for Cricket? I mean REAL cricket.. Stuff like bat, ball, coaching, nets, winning matches etc…’ asked the hard-hitting Rajdeep Sardesai, son of former cricketer Dileep Sardesai. Rajdeep is the emerging baron in the Indian media horizon.

‘ Thanks Rajdeep for reminding! Greg Chappell is working with the boys on this and when I find time, may be I’ll sit with him… Mean while, if you are all ready, its time to move in for cocktails and dinner. Later, we have a Bollywood- BCCI Hungama. They have roped me into this too. I will be doing an ‘Item Number’ this year.’


E.R. Ramachandran
29, October 2006



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